Style Through Intelligence.com

Shaking hands can tell so much about a relationship!

The other day I was watching a short You Tube video on Will Smith after it was posted on a blog that I regularly read – Kinowear .

It was actually very late, and I wasn’t concentrating very much on the video , until there was approximately 10 seconds remaining in it, when Tavis Smiley and Will shook hands.

The Handshake

It certainly wasn’t the normal handshake as you can see in the screen capture of the video below, note that Tavis’s hand is very much palm facing upwards, whilst Will’s is the opposite:

The Will Smith handshake

It got me thinking about handshakes and how we do (and can) use them in our everyday business and social lives.

Palms are the most powerful (non-verbal) signals given by humans

I have spoken briefly about palms in one of my other posts and how you can apply them to reading someone’s thoughts and gestures.

There are actually 3 types of palm actions but the two that we are concerned with in this case is “exposed/open palms” and ” closed or downward facing palms”. To summarize:

Exposed, open or upwards facing palms displays:

• Honesty
• Truth
• Allegiance
• Most importantly submission

Closed, hidden or downwards palms will display the opposite:

• Authority
• Dominance
• Lying or possibly hiding something

A Handshake

These exact same attitudes can be displayed if you exhibit these palm actions when giving a hand shake.

1.       If you shake hands with your palm facing slightly downward, you are showing you are the dominant one of the relationship and/or that you are going to take control of what is about to follow.

The dominant handshake

2.       If you shake hands with your palm facing slightly upward you are saying “I am going into submission and let you take control of the situation”

The submissive handshake

3.       If you shake hands directly upright and even with someone you are saying ” were on a level playing field” and this is how rapport begins

The neutral handshake

How we can take advantage of this

I got to thinking about it and I believe that it is not JUST the dominant hand shake style that can help us in our everyday business and social pursuits. I think ALL three situations can help us, so long as we are controlling what action we are taking and consciously aware of what is taking place. I’ll explain each one in a little bit more detail:

1.       Slightly downward = When you need to show your in control - probably the most obvious of the three. I think this should only be used rarely where we need to show someone else that we are in control. E.g. when we are purchasing something from a seller, or courting a girl.

On a complete side note: This is one of the reason palm reading tricks work so well when picking up girls (i.e. in Neil Strauss’s book the game). Because their palms are exposed, and yours are turned downwards, giving them the attitude of submission and you the attitude of dominance…making your job a lot easier from there on.

2.       Slightly Upward = When it’s in YOUR favor to let the other person THINK they are in control - I think that this is the action that can be exploited the most by us. It could be very handy should you have a sales call where you need the buyer to feel like they are making the decision totally by themselves and not being forced into it.

It also made me think about Law number 1 in Robert Greene’s book The 48 Laws of Power.

In Greene’s book Law 1 states:

“Never outshine the master: Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please and impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite – inspire fear and insecurity. Make you masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.”

I think this specifically applies to:

1.       Your boss

2.       A mentor (or potential mentor)

3.       Any one at all you can learn from

Truth be told it is in YOUR best interest to learn from them and if they appear better, smarter and more brilliant than everyone else they are more likely to be open with you and teach you a everything they know about the subject you are trying to learn from them.

On the other hand if you appear you are smarter than them, and have the control, they will see you as a threat, not be honest with you and replace you with someone less intelligent, less attractive, less threatening etc.

Motto of the story: even if sometimes you may know better than you superior it can be an idea to bight your tongue, disguise your strengths and act naive. Because after all at this point your only goal is learning from them. In this case it is not a weakness to disguise your strengths, but rather one day will be a positive because you have the control and eventually will have all the knowledge also.

3.       Directly upright = When you want to build rapport with someone -

Pretty simple. This is “the norm” and be used on the majority of encounters when first meeting someone and want to build rapport.

If someone tries to lay a dominant handshake on you be sure to take a step inwards (in their comfort zone making them feel slightly thrown off) and try to even the hands up. This results in a vice like hand shake and represents a symbolical struggle, however, will build rapport with the other dominant player.

Take Action

1.       The first thing to do is to be consciously aware of the different styles of handshakes whenever you shake hands with someone else

2.       Pick out a specific example in your life where you believe one of the first 2 types of handshakes can benefit you. Mine is with my boss because the more he believes he is in control, the more control I actually have, as favourable thoughts and decisions will start rolling my way = miss-direction (which I am going to talk about in a later post)

What do you think? What specific examples in your business or social encounters do you think this could help you in.

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