Be different!

I once read a quote that said:

“The definition of insane: doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result”

Would you agree that the stylish, influential and  powerful men you know are different to your average Joe?

They usually got that way, not because they do what everyone else does, but because they do things differently, or even the opposite of what everyone else does.

Within this post I will concentrate on one important thing that we should all work on:

Don’t Wait in Lines!

If you, or someone else, is standing in a long nightclub line and a couple well dressed people walk straight up to the bouncer and got straight in, you would think to yourself “they must be powerful, famous or important” I know as I have seen that happen and thought that on quite a few occasions.

Sometimes we don’t have a choice with something such as a night club (although a bit later I will be showing a process to be able to get straight in to any club, restaurant or pub straight away) but why do we stand in lines of other things that we do have a direct choice about?

Now, I try wherever I can NOT to stand in line and “follow the HERD”, things such as:

-          Supermarket lines – don’t shop the hours when everyone else does

-          Gyms – don’t go to the gym at peak times, this is also frustrating when you can’t get on the equipment that you want to

-          Restaurants – eat unusually early (when they first open for dinner) or unusually late (just before close), or simply when you are hungry, I am not sure who the person was that specified the times that we should eat 3 meals a day any way, but that’s discussion for another time.

-          Driving – If possible avoid driving or commuting in peak hour traffic. Ask your boss to telecommute. I know this example is not always possible for people. However, read the four hour work week if you feel like it is something you would like to pursue and need some inspiration

-          Even Vacations - I travel during non peak times of the year, because during either summer, Christmas break etc. Everyone has the same idea of traveling. Not only is it usually twice as expensive, but there is too many people around also.

It is very liberating and makes you feel pretty powerful to be able to do the opposite of what everyone else does. It will also save you time, which can be put into to other passions etc. to make the most out of your life.

Take Action

1.      Try not to “follow the herd” and do what everyone else does. Have confidence in yourself and your decisions to do the opposite. trust me it will pay off, it simplifies your tasks and is very empowering

2.      Write a list of the things that you do in your everyday life that you could do differently or at different times to avoid waiting. Then do them at different times, once you do you will never go back.

What do you think? Do you have anything else in your life that you “don’t wait in lines for” or “do the opposite of everyone else”? I would love to hear them and also apply them myself.

I recently done a guest post on www.36pounds.com about style and the thin man. If you are a thin man I would suggest you check it out as it has some great info on there.

Time to boost your image and presence!

Ever wondered why famous people are almost ALWAYS considered to be stylish and hold a presence within a room?

Is it because they always wear the right thing? Is it because they are good looking? Is it because they always say the right thing at the right time?

These are certainly the case some of the time, but by no means all the time.

The simple reason is that the majority of people know them, it elevates their status in the room, which means the remainder of people want to get to know them… or Social Proof.

Social Proof

Social Proof is a concept that is usually used a lot in marketing and sales industries, however, I think it is a powerful concept, which can help the average man out incredibly.

If you would like to read more about it see go here .

I will only be talking about one specific aspect of it and how it can help you, so let me begin with an example:

If you’re at a party, and there is someone powerful, famous, or important (call them person A). Isn’t it usually the case that most people know his/her name and who they are? Hence making an effort to go and talk to them?

Now let’s say there is someone that no one knows (call them person B), that has been hanging out with person A all night.

Isn’t person B’s social status and importance elevated by everyone in room just through the mere fact that person A knows person B? – Power through association.

Basically:

“It’s not who you know, It is who knows you”

A phrase that is very popular in networking circles, books and references also.

So, how do we get more people to know us?

There is not a quick formula that I have discovered yet (short of getting yourself famous overnight although I am still working on it J), but there is something you can start now, so as soon as possible more and more people will know who you are.

Simply:

introduce yourself and talk to everyone and anyone that you deal with or want to deal with on a regular basis.

It’s that simple, but I can’t get over how many people run through their lives doing their usual things without even acknowledging other human beings in the process.

An example might put this in perspective:

If you have a coffee shop or restaurant that you do or plan to frequently visit. The first visit you just make friendly chat.

After say 2 or 3 visits introduce yourself.

I.e. [following general chat] “my name is Schmidty anyway”, and either 1. Offer to shake hand (they will then introduce themselves)or 2. Say “what’s yours?”

Now every subsequent time you visit, make sure you use their name. If they remember yours they will use it. If not, they will be a bit embarrassed, but you can just slip your name in to the general conversation however you see fit. Remember it’s important for them to know you.

You have now built up a relationship. And besides from you getting free stuff (which is another fringe benefit) from them from time to time, can you imagine how impressed your friends, boss or business clients will be when you take them in there and you are on a first name basis with the manager/owner?

Really powerful. Just imagine how powerful it will be the more and more places it happens at, and eventually every place you visit frequently.

The snowball effect

The beauty about this, is the more and more you do this the more your network and the people that know you will snowball. Soon you will be out at a bar on a Saturday night and be sure to bump into 1 or 2 or even more people that you met at the coffee shop, restaurant or that other party you went to last week.

Imagine how impressed that girl your trying to pick up will be when you know (and have a chat to) so many people from different groups in the bar. She is certain to think that you are important because everyone knows you.

Social proof working completely in your favour.

Take Action

Next time you visit any place you plan on visiting regularly follow the script above and:

1.      Be nice

2.      Make general chat

3.      Introduce yourself as soon as you feel comfortable, but never longer than the 3^rd visit otherwise it becomes too late and a bit awkward.

4.      Remember the more people that know you – the more powerful you are.

What do you think? Once you have taken the action above, please let me know of any success’s, failures or results you have.

Shaking hands can tell so much about a relationship!

The other day I was watching a short You Tube video on Will Smith after it was posted on a blog that I regularly read – Kinowear .

It was actually very late, and I wasn’t concentrating very much on the video , until there was approximately 10 seconds remaining in it, when Tavis Smiley and Will shook hands.

The Handshake

It certainly wasn’t the normal handshake as you can see in the screen capture of the video below, note that Tavis’s hand is very much palm facing upwards, whilst Will’s is the opposite:

The Will Smith handshake

It got me thinking about handshakes and how we do (and can) use them in our everyday business and social lives.

Palms are the most powerful (non-verbal) signals given by humans

I have spoken briefly about palms in one of my other posts and how you can apply them to reading someone’s thoughts and gestures.

There are actually 3 types of palm actions but the two that we are concerned with in this case is “exposed/open palms” and ” closed or downward facing palms”. To summarize:

Exposed, open or upwards facing palms displays:

• Honesty
• Truth
• Allegiance
• Most importantly submission

Closed, hidden or downwards palms will display the opposite:

• Authority
• Dominance
• Lying or possibly hiding something

A Handshake

These exact same attitudes can be displayed if you exhibit these palm actions when giving a hand shake.

1.       If you shake hands with your palm facing slightly downward, you are showing you are the dominant one of the relationship and/or that you are going to take control of what is about to follow.

The dominant handshake

2.       If you shake hands with your palm facing slightly upward you are saying “I am going into submission and let you take control of the situation”

The submissive handshake

3.       If you shake hands directly upright and even with someone you are saying ” were on a level playing field” and this is how rapport begins

The neutral handshake

How we can take advantage of this

I got to thinking about it and I believe that it is not JUST the dominant hand shake style that can help us in our everyday business and social pursuits. I think ALL three situations can help us, so long as we are controlling what action we are taking and consciously aware of what is taking place. I’ll explain each one in a little bit more detail:

1.       Slightly downward = When you need to show your in control - probably the most obvious of the three. I think this should only be used rarely where we need to show someone else that we are in control. E.g. when we are purchasing something from a seller, or courting a girl.

On a complete side note: This is one of the reason palm reading tricks work so well when picking up girls (i.e. in Neil Strauss’s book the game). Because their palms are exposed, and yours are turned downwards, giving them the attitude of submission and you the attitude of dominance…making your job a lot easier from there on.

2.       Slightly Upward = When it’s in YOUR favor to let the other person THINK they are in control - I think that this is the action that can be exploited the most by us. It could be very handy should you have a sales call where you need the buyer to feel like they are making the decision totally by themselves and not being forced into it.

It also made me think about Law number 1 in Robert Greene’s book The 48 Laws of Power.

In Greene’s book Law 1 states:

“Never outshine the master: Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please and impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite – inspire fear and insecurity. Make you masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.”

I think this specifically applies to:

1.       Your boss

2.       A mentor (or potential mentor)

3.       Any one at all you can learn from

Truth be told it is in YOUR best interest to learn from them and if they appear better, smarter and more brilliant than everyone else they are more likely to be open with you and teach you a everything they know about the subject you are trying to learn from them.

On the other hand if you appear you are smarter than them, and have the control, they will see you as a threat, not be honest with you and replace you with someone less intelligent, less attractive, less threatening etc.

Motto of the story: even if sometimes you may know better than you superior it can be an idea to bight your tongue, disguise your strengths and act naive. Because after all at this point your only goal is learning from them. In this case it is not a weakness to disguise your strengths, but rather one day will be a positive because you have the control and eventually will have all the knowledge also.

3.       Directly upright = When you want to build rapport with someone -

Pretty simple. This is “the norm” and be used on the majority of encounters when first meeting someone and want to build rapport.

If someone tries to lay a dominant handshake on you be sure to take a step inwards (in their comfort zone making them feel slightly thrown off) and try to even the hands up. This results in a vice like hand shake and represents a symbolical struggle, however, will build rapport with the other dominant player.

Take Action

1.       The first thing to do is to be consciously aware of the different styles of handshakes whenever you shake hands with someone else

2.       Pick out a specific example in your life where you believe one of the first 2 types of handshakes can benefit you. Mine is with my boss because the more he believes he is in control, the more control I actually have, as favourable thoughts and decisions will start rolling my way = miss-direction (which I am going to talk about in a later post)

What do you think? What specific examples in your business or social encounters do you think this could help you in.

Remember, for extra tips, insights and secrets that I do not publish in this blog sign up for our FREE email newsletter in the top right hand corner of the home page.

Now you no longer need to take caution!

Imagine being able to read what the person over the other side of the table is thinking? Are they telling the truth? Are they being totally honest with you?

How you can become a human lie detector…I have a hunch

Have you ever had the “feeling” that someone is not telling you the truth. Or had a hunch that someone is lying to you.

Well you’re not alone, and the reason that you probably had that feeling is because your subconscious mind was picking up small gestures, movements and signals that the other party was displaying that was giving you that idea.

How to tell what someone is thinking without listening to what they say

Approximately 65% of our communication is non-verbal or based on our body language.

Some research has even shown that our movements and non-verbal communication has up to 5 times as much impact compared to what comes out our mouth.

This is really good news for the intellectually curious man…especially if you know what to look out for.

A bit of history

I’m not sure if you remember telling a lie as a kid. I don’t. Not as much to do with the fact that I never told a lie, because I know I would have, but more to the point that I just don’t remember…but I digress.

When Kids lie they cover their mouth. When kids hear something they don’t like or is not honest they cover their ears.

Same thing applies to adults today…but not to the same extent. Instead:

When Adults lie they will touch their eyes, mouth, ears or face with their hand in a quick movement.

This can involve a number of movements, but the most common to be on the lookout for will be:

• If they put their fingers in their mouth
• If they scratch their neck
• If they pull their collar slightly
• If they Touch or scratch their nose
• If they pull or rub their ear
• If they rub their eye
• Or if they have their hand over their mouth (whilst their chin rests in their palm, similar to the “I’m thinking” pose)

Be careful

It is very important to be careful with this and don’t go accusing someone that they are a liar as soon as they scratch their nose. Because they may have very well just had an itchy nose.

The important thing is to look for a couple signs in a row, or patterns forming when on a particular topic.

To help you be certian

There is another gesture to be on the subtle look out for when trying to determine if someone is telling the truth with you or not and that is:

Notice what their palms are doing

The movement of our palms can tell a lot. If our palms are faced upward it signals openness and honesty.

Where as if our palms are hidden or turned down it signals the opposite.

This can help with coupling with someone’s hand/facial gestures

An Example

Just the other day I was talking to someone. Not a friend (just to clear that up).

He said something and as he did I noticed he scratched his nose. What he said was something that I didn’t think he believed (in other words he wasn’t telling the truth), which made me take notice further.

Now as discussed, this scratch on the nose, couldn’t really mean anything because his nose just may have been itchy.

However, every time that topic was brought up again in the conversation, he made a scratch of the nose, or a scratch of the chin, or played with his ear.

Which lead me to the conclusion that he was lying about it.

Now I didn’t say anything of course. Because that’s not the point of it. But it has given me the power to know slightly the way he thinks, which might come in handy at a point in the future.

Take Action

1.       If you believe this is something that could help you re-read over this blog post to make sure you grasp the signs described. Try them yourself in front of the mirror, or something similar, just so you cement the associated body movements in your own mind.

2.       Try it out at the beginning, where you not the one that is conversing, for example in a business meeting or another social atmosphere where you can just sit back and concentrate on watching the body language and movements of others.

3.       Practice, and eventually use it for when you ask someone questions or are talking to them, and use this knowledge to your advantage.

4.       Remember, be careful. This is a very handy tool, but don’t wrongly use it or falsely accuse anyone prematurely.

What do you think? Have you ever known that someone was lying to you? If so, how? What techniques did you use? In what aspects of your life do you think this might help you?

The confidence to do anything at all

Did you know that there is only ONE thing holding you back from any or all of the following: 1. picking up the hottest girl in the bar, 2. being the man that other people turn to for style tips, 3. becoming the life of the party, 4. being a powerful leader, or even 5. being a billionaire and meeting famous people and influencers?

Confidence

The confidence to approach the girl, the confidence to wear what you want, the confidence to take on a new task, The confidence to take a risk, the confidence know you’ll succeed, the confidence to pretty much do anything.

However, confidence is something that unfortunately comes and goes. It’s not just a matter of finding confidence and then having it for the rest of your life, as nice as this would be. I’m sure you can probably think of times in your life when you HAVE had confidence and also times when you HAV’NT.

The One Thing

As I was trying to think back over the times in my life when I have confidence, and I found ONE common trait that influenced it every time. It’s probably not rocket science, BUT, by knowing it will allow you to consciously use it next time you’re in need of a good dose of confidence.

So Here it is:

HAVE A SECOND (Better) OPTION

It may seem quite intuitive, but not many men actually keep this in mind when they go about doing something new or important.

Lets think about it?

I have had countless friends comment to me that it is SO much easier to pickup girls when they already have a girlfriend. Do you think this is just coincidence everytime? Not likely. Its because they have a (better) second option waiting for them at home.

In much the same way, when we go for a new job. Its not a good idea to get your heart set on ONE job otherwise you take the weaker position, because you NEED the job. Whereas if you have a second (better or equivalent) potential job interview lined up, you will excel in the first with a LOT more confidence.

Next Actions

1. Next time you are doing something, whether it is building up the confidence to talk to someone, ask for their phone number,  going for a new job, or even just to stop worrying about get fired from your current one, think to yourself and even write down: What are my second (better) options? You will be amazed how much confidence this will give you.

Please comment if you have had any examples where having a second (better) option has helped you have confidence?