Style Through Intelligence.com

Keep the conversation going for hours!

I’m sure it has happened to all of us! You are talking to someone new that you have just met and after the usual “what do you do?” and “Where do you live?’ the conversation completely dry’s up and you both are stuck there with an awful silence.

Well not any more…

The Quest for knowledge

Personally I think the best way to usually keep a conversation going at any time is to want to learn new things.

Did you know that EVERY question you ask someone you are actually learning something new. Even simple questions like “where did you buy that from?”, “What’s the weather going to be on the weekend?” you are extending your knowledge and hence learning.

If you want to learn new things then you are going to be generally interested in other peoples lives and the topics that they are experts (or know more than you) in.

Sometimes it may just be probing with a few extra questions to find this.

Easy Buttons

If, however, you still can not find something of mutual passion and conversation here are some easy techniques that once applied, can keep a conversation going for quite some time.

1. Repeat, Repeat, Repeat

Repeat the other persons last sentence – This is my favourite, simply for the fact that it requires no creative input from yourself.

Basically the idea is that when you are talking to another person you repeat the last thing that anyone said as a question. This technique is also known as “parroting”.

The core idea behind it is that people love to extend their conversation on the things that they are interested in. And by you repeating what they have already said, gives them fuel for their “self interest” fire.

An Example:

You: ” what did you get up to on the weekend”

Them: ” Went to the ball game on Saturday”

You: ” You went to the game on Saturday?”

Them: Yeh we did, took my son along for his first game etc. etc…..But it was good to see my team win!”

You: “So it was good to see the team win?”

Them: “Yeh they have been struggling a lot lately, and had lots of injuries etc. etc….” – I’m sure you get the picture.

Think how long you could keep a conversation using this going. I have experimented with this on many occasions, and it always works, which is why I love it.

2. Become a word spy

You can generally tell a lot by the language that someone uses. I know of people (myself included) who listen to things such as podcasts, audio books etc. and can tell the way people think just through the language that they use.

For example analytical thinkers will use words such as test, quantify, numbers, figures, add up, results etc.

This can come in handy, if you have a mentor that you want to be like – simply start implementing some of the words that they use (and that you don’t yet) into your daily life and you will start to program your subconscious mind into thinking in similar ways.

That was slightly off of this topic, but the way it can help us keep a conversation is to listen to some of the words they say/use etc. and hone in on them to use as the next question you ask or topic you talk about.

Example: Most of you would have at onetime experienced talking to someone who just seem to be quite rude when trying to make small talk. I little while ago I was trying to spark up conversation with someone that fits that exact description, trying to mention anything I could to spark it:

Me: “so been busy today?”

Him “yes” (one word answer)

Etc.

Me: “How’s the weather today pretty wet isn’t it?”

Him: “Yes, but the farmers will stop complaining” (again in the rude voice)

It was right there, that a lot of people would continue asking more boring questions. However, I honed in on the fact that he mentioned the one word – farmer in his talking.

Me: “do you know some farmers do you?”

Him:” Yes, I actually grew up on a farm” (his tone of voice gradually starting to change)

Me: “So did I…where was you farm etc.”

And from here the conversation went on for quite some time.

So to refresh: people, when discussing all sorts of things, drop single words about their “passions” and/or “interest” all the time. The key is to be on the lookout for such words and use them to fuel the conversation when it is slowing down or even come to a complete halt.

3. Eaves drop

This little technique is quite self explanatory.

Basically, this comes in handy when you want to introduce yourself to someone new, be it a big businessman in the same field as you, someone famous you want to meet, or even a cute girl that’s been sitting in the group next to you all night.

As the title suggests just keep an ear out for what they are talking about with their friends or the other people in their group to get a gauge of what the “target” person is interested in.

When you find some bait that you can work with, it is time to go over and talk to them yourself. For example If you overhear them talking about travelling to Paris. You could head over to them and say:

“I couldn’t help but overhear you were going to head to Paris later in the summer, I am actually a big fan of the city and have been there several times myself” This will give you more than enough fuel to kick start and also keep the conversation going strong.

Social Intelligence

Social intelligence is a very big thing for us as men to get right. Techniques such as the above all come under the social intelligence umbrella.

It helps us with our charm, charisma, social proof and influence which boost our presence and overall image.

As I’ve talked about in previous posts, the above mentioned are very important to creating an overall and lasting style that will have YOU being the one man everyone else wants to be with and know

Take Action

1. Pick one of the above techniques that you think will apply best to you and your situation
2. The next time you are at a party, business function, networking event or anywhere where you need to try this technique and watch your conversation go on for a lot longer than it perhaps would have.

What do you think? If you give these a try in your next social interaction please report back to the comments page and let us all know how you went? Have you got any other techniques for keeping a conversation going that you use regularly?